Sunday 2 September 2012
What do I hold on to?
There doesn't seem anything to be any way out of this terrible situation. My ex is not normal. He is making sure that I pay for leaving him. He is making no effort to make sure that I can see the kids. And it's funny, my subconscious still makes up excuse for him like I always did. He always made sure that I knew everything was my fault. He is doing it still and I still fall for it.
Abuse doesn't stop after separation
Oh my god, I am so discouraged. I feel like my life is over. My fingers are numb, I'm nauseous. My head hurts so bad I can barely think. I can't stop crying. I can't think straight. I can't sleep. I can barely make my own meals. I skip a meal everyday because it is too complicated.
My ex is not giving me any money from the separation. He has taken my house, my share of the things in it and has also taken the things that I bought after the separation. He has sullied my reputation and turned my kids against me. He has taken all of my kids and because I stayed at home for twenty years taking care of him I have no skills and no schooling to get a job. I have cancer and when I was doing chemo and had all ten kids with me he was taking me to court every single month and giving the older kids drinking parties. He worked very hard at getting them to love him and turn against me. He is very manipulative and is good at making them hate me, all the while making it seem like they thought of all those terrible things about me by themselves. I gave everything to him and my kids and now... I have a huge lump in the breast where the cancer was taken out. I am bleeding all the time. I have no legal aide because I have a house. That I have no right to live in. I have no money. I have no job. I have cancer from the stress of twenty years of abuse. I have no skills and absolutely no energy to get a job even if I did have the skills.
I do have a wonderful partner now. He is supportive, kind and quiet. The problem is, he was transferred overseas. His house, in which I have been staying when I visit my kids, is for sale and being renovated for its sale. I can no longer visit the kids in it. My van, that my boyfriend has been paying for, is for sale. I will have no transportation and no way to see my kids. No place to visit them in.
I love being around people. I am alone in this big house. I have things to do, painting, plaster, grass, etc, but I am going crazy never talking to anybody. I want to go overseas with my boyfriend but I have a court case on the 19th of September so I can't leave. I also have to get a mammography, echography and biopsy on the new lump. Then if it is cancer again, what do I do? I have no health care overseas. I have a home here for now but no car. As soon as the house sells I have no home. I am trying to hope for the best but it is really hard.
My ex is still talking against me to the kids. The older ones think that my partner should just buy me a house here. They think, because of what my ex is feeding them, that my partner is a millionaire and should support me and my kids here. He just doesn't have that kind of money! He is willing to support me living with him overseas, but he cannot support me living here. I was supposed to get my money from the house and be able to buy a little place here, rent it out one month out of two and have the other month available to visit the kids. The divorce was supposed to be through already so we could marry and I could have healthcare overseas.
My ex is smoking two packs and day and drinking at least four beers per day (all worth about 700$ a month) but he doesn't have any money to pay me my half of the house. He could get a mortgage for my half with that money. And what if I die before the ten year statue of limitations is up? He keeps everything? He had twenty great years, being served hand and foot, getting sex when he wanted with a women that made all his sexual fantasies come true and kept herself in super shape, and now, he will get the kids, the house, and all the money after I'm dead. And what do I get? Cancer, tears, agony, and death. Wow. There definitely is no justice.
My ex is not giving me any money from the separation. He has taken my house, my share of the things in it and has also taken the things that I bought after the separation. He has sullied my reputation and turned my kids against me. He has taken all of my kids and because I stayed at home for twenty years taking care of him I have no skills and no schooling to get a job. I have cancer and when I was doing chemo and had all ten kids with me he was taking me to court every single month and giving the older kids drinking parties. He worked very hard at getting them to love him and turn against me. He is very manipulative and is good at making them hate me, all the while making it seem like they thought of all those terrible things about me by themselves. I gave everything to him and my kids and now... I have a huge lump in the breast where the cancer was taken out. I am bleeding all the time. I have no legal aide because I have a house. That I have no right to live in. I have no money. I have no job. I have cancer from the stress of twenty years of abuse. I have no skills and absolutely no energy to get a job even if I did have the skills.
I do have a wonderful partner now. He is supportive, kind and quiet. The problem is, he was transferred overseas. His house, in which I have been staying when I visit my kids, is for sale and being renovated for its sale. I can no longer visit the kids in it. My van, that my boyfriend has been paying for, is for sale. I will have no transportation and no way to see my kids. No place to visit them in.
I love being around people. I am alone in this big house. I have things to do, painting, plaster, grass, etc, but I am going crazy never talking to anybody. I want to go overseas with my boyfriend but I have a court case on the 19th of September so I can't leave. I also have to get a mammography, echography and biopsy on the new lump. Then if it is cancer again, what do I do? I have no health care overseas. I have a home here for now but no car. As soon as the house sells I have no home. I am trying to hope for the best but it is really hard.
My ex is still talking against me to the kids. The older ones think that my partner should just buy me a house here. They think, because of what my ex is feeding them, that my partner is a millionaire and should support me and my kids here. He just doesn't have that kind of money! He is willing to support me living with him overseas, but he cannot support me living here. I was supposed to get my money from the house and be able to buy a little place here, rent it out one month out of two and have the other month available to visit the kids. The divorce was supposed to be through already so we could marry and I could have healthcare overseas.
My ex is smoking two packs and day and drinking at least four beers per day (all worth about 700$ a month) but he doesn't have any money to pay me my half of the house. He could get a mortgage for my half with that money. And what if I die before the ten year statue of limitations is up? He keeps everything? He had twenty great years, being served hand and foot, getting sex when he wanted with a women that made all his sexual fantasies come true and kept herself in super shape, and now, he will get the kids, the house, and all the money after I'm dead. And what do I get? Cancer, tears, agony, and death. Wow. There definitely is no justice.
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