Down the Rabbit Hole

I've told the truth. Every step of the way. I have not exaggerated, lied, changed or twisted the events.

Yet, nobody believes me. It is so strange to have clung so tightly to the truth fo so long and then being displayed for the world like a manipulator and a liar. I put up with the worst kind of psychological abuse until I honestly felt I was going crazy. When I finally dared to try and escape, the "truth" became strangely modified and I was now the bad guy. After twenty years of trying so hard to make my ex happy, he now tells everyone that I am trying to destroy his life for nothing. He tells child protection services that I am making up lies to destroy him. He tells the judge that I am crazy and after him for revenge. He tells everyone who will listen that I was not abused but that I am making everything up. He tells storied about how wonderful he was, that he helped with all the kids, did school with them, supported all of us financially and renovated and paid for the whole house. He of course did nothing of the sort but he is so convincing. I always kept a smile on my face and hid his abuse for everyone around us. No one knew. I burned all my journals, shredded them the day I separated from my ex. I was so glad to be rid of his abuse. But it never stops. And it never will.

One word of advice for those who are hoping to escape their abusers. Document everything. Don't leave until you have kept detailed notes of what he is doing. Record the psychological abuse if possible. Take pictures of the bruises and the holes in the walls. Note times and dates of the neglect and abuse toward your children. Remember that your abuser will turn on you and you need to be prepared. Talk to EVERYONE around about how you are being treated. Call the police when you are scared. Get a restraining order. Make sure that the abuse has a paper trail because believe me, when you leave, your whole life story will become one big lie to everyone around you.